My Daughter's Desire: A Tale About Public Breastfeeding
Hey readers, I'm stepping out of my usual fashion related posts this morning to participate in something that is really important to me. My 30 for 30 post will be up later today/tonight.
Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.
Before my daughter was born, I had assumptions of how I would breastfeed like everything else I assumed about life postpartum. I was going to breastfeed for a year because I thought that is what everyone did. I had a friend who breastfed with a cover and another friend made a cover for me for my baby shower. I figured I would use the cover when I nursed in public. I took a class on breastfeeding and tried to sit through class with a serious face, but I was a little squeamish about it and tried to stifle giggles a few times. Honestly, I was a little uncomfortable because I didn't have a lot of experience with breastfeeding. Also, growing up in a conservative environment meant breasts weren't something I was used to seeing, not in a sexual context and especially not in a breastfeeding context.
In the hospital, I didn't use the cover, but I remember fidgeting with and pulling at my gown while juggling a newborn infant and my nipple and...and well, who has that many hands? I shouldn't have to concern myself with this clumsy gown dance when figuring out the whole latch thing is hard enough. A few days later, at my first lactation consultant visit, I walked into a room where several women sat with their breasts exposed. I thought, "Alrighty then!" There was one woman who had huge uncovered breasts sitting all pretty on the pillow they provided, and yet the consultant working with me kept trying to cover me with a blanket. It was such a confusing message. I'm sitting across from a bare-breasted woman while being passively aggressively encouraged to hide mine under a blanket. This happened during a LACTATION CONSULTATION! I still don't understand it.
My first few months, I used my cover whenever I was in public and even when I had guests at home. Everything was going along well and then Evelyn discovered her hands and their function. That was the end of the cover because anytime I put it on she would grab the edge and lift it to flash the little breastfeeding party going on underneath. She hated the cover over her head and I don't blame her. Her newfound skill led to a lull in my public outings. I didn't go out much unless I needed to because I always stressed out about when and where I would nurse her. My daughter would nurse OFTEN and FOREVER. I couldn't just plan outings around feedings. Forget the bottle, she didn't have any interest. It had to be the real deal. I learned to go to the car or ask for a private room when I needed to nurse her. However, that isn't always convenient.
Through all of this, I completely supported a woman's right to breastfeed anywhere, as well as a baby's right to eat anywhere. However, I didn't give myself that same permission. It was okay for other women to do it, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't get over the idea of what confrontations I might meet if I did. I was outraged for women who were kicked out of stores for breastfeeding, but scared at the same time of that happening to me. To be fair, I'm not sure how successful nursing in public would have been at that point, because my daughter was also a very distracted nurser. Even at home, I would have to go into a dark, dark room sometimes to get her to eat. If my husband was in the room, she would pop off and stare him down, like "what are YOU doing here?" However, I shouldn't have had extra stress piled on top of this and neither should other breastfeeding mothers.
So, I suffered from loneliness and isolation because of breastfeeding. As Evelyn got older, she nursed less often and not as long which made getting out a lot easier. If she still needed to nurse, I would go to the car, excuse myself into another quiet room, etc. Then my baby became a toddler. There are many differences overall between the two, but for public breastfeeding, the biggest difference is that my daughter won't always accept delays. When she wants Mama's milk, if I'm not quick on the draw, she's got her hands elbows deep in my top trying to dig them out herself.
In the last month, I've *gasp* breastfed in public more than any of the previous months because I don't really have a choice. Exposure to all sorts of attitudes on the issue has made me much more confident in public breastfeeding. Knowing other mothers who nurse in public has been a huge support in becoming comfortable with it. However, my daughter is the the biggest reason I finally got rid of every last shred of misplaced ideas of modesty. I'm not always comfortable. I still have moments when I want to retreat, especially in the closeness of someone's home or dining at a restaurant. I'm still learning. However, at the park when my daughter looks up at me and makes the nursing sign (which she just recently learned), I want to encourage her to communicate that desire. The last thing I want to do is say "not right now" because of MY discomfort. Slowly I've come to realize it's not my discomfort, but rather the threat of others' discomfort. I'm learning it's not about them. It's about my daughter's desire to nurse.
Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public
Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.
Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.
This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts - new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 - Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It
Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.
******************
Before my daughter was born, I had assumptions of how I would breastfeed like everything else I assumed about life postpartum. I was going to breastfeed for a year because I thought that is what everyone did. I had a friend who breastfed with a cover and another friend made a cover for me for my baby shower. I figured I would use the cover when I nursed in public. I took a class on breastfeeding and tried to sit through class with a serious face, but I was a little squeamish about it and tried to stifle giggles a few times. Honestly, I was a little uncomfortable because I didn't have a lot of experience with breastfeeding. Also, growing up in a conservative environment meant breasts weren't something I was used to seeing, not in a sexual context and especially not in a breastfeeding context.
In the hospital, I didn't use the cover, but I remember fidgeting with and pulling at my gown while juggling a newborn infant and my nipple and...and well, who has that many hands? I shouldn't have to concern myself with this clumsy gown dance when figuring out the whole latch thing is hard enough. A few days later, at my first lactation consultant visit, I walked into a room where several women sat with their breasts exposed. I thought, "Alrighty then!" There was one woman who had huge uncovered breasts sitting all pretty on the pillow they provided, and yet the consultant working with me kept trying to cover me with a blanket. It was such a confusing message. I'm sitting across from a bare-breasted woman while being passively aggressively encouraged to hide mine under a blanket. This happened during a LACTATION CONSULTATION! I still don't understand it.
My first few months, I used my cover whenever I was in public and even when I had guests at home. Everything was going along well and then Evelyn discovered her hands and their function. That was the end of the cover because anytime I put it on she would grab the edge and lift it to flash the little breastfeeding party going on underneath. She hated the cover over her head and I don't blame her. Her newfound skill led to a lull in my public outings. I didn't go out much unless I needed to because I always stressed out about when and where I would nurse her. My daughter would nurse OFTEN and FOREVER. I couldn't just plan outings around feedings. Forget the bottle, she didn't have any interest. It had to be the real deal. I learned to go to the car or ask for a private room when I needed to nurse her. However, that isn't always convenient.
Through all of this, I completely supported a woman's right to breastfeed anywhere, as well as a baby's right to eat anywhere. However, I didn't give myself that same permission. It was okay for other women to do it, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't get over the idea of what confrontations I might meet if I did. I was outraged for women who were kicked out of stores for breastfeeding, but scared at the same time of that happening to me. To be fair, I'm not sure how successful nursing in public would have been at that point, because my daughter was also a very distracted nurser. Even at home, I would have to go into a dark, dark room sometimes to get her to eat. If my husband was in the room, she would pop off and stare him down, like "what are YOU doing here?" However, I shouldn't have had extra stress piled on top of this and neither should other breastfeeding mothers.
So, I suffered from loneliness and isolation because of breastfeeding. As Evelyn got older, she nursed less often and not as long which made getting out a lot easier. If she still needed to nurse, I would go to the car, excuse myself into another quiet room, etc. Then my baby became a toddler. There are many differences overall between the two, but for public breastfeeding, the biggest difference is that my daughter won't always accept delays. When she wants Mama's milk, if I'm not quick on the draw, she's got her hands elbows deep in my top trying to dig them out herself.
In the last month, I've *gasp* breastfed in public more than any of the previous months because I don't really have a choice. Exposure to all sorts of attitudes on the issue has made me much more confident in public breastfeeding. Knowing other mothers who nurse in public has been a huge support in becoming comfortable with it. However, my daughter is the the biggest reason I finally got rid of every last shred of misplaced ideas of modesty. I'm not always comfortable. I still have moments when I want to retreat, especially in the closeness of someone's home or dining at a restaurant. I'm still learning. However, at the park when my daughter looks up at me and makes the nursing sign (which she just recently learned), I want to encourage her to communicate that desire. The last thing I want to do is say "not right now" because of MY discomfort. Slowly I've come to realize it's not my discomfort, but rather the threat of others' discomfort. I'm learning it's not about them. It's about my daughter's desire to nurse.
Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public
Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.
Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.
This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts - new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 - Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It
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5 comments:
What an absolutely lovely post! I felt like I was reading my own story through much of it.
I'm currently tandem nursing a 3 year old and a 10 month old. I always knew I would breastfeed, and like you, assumed it would be for a year, because that's what the AAP recommended. Never did I imagine I would be breastfeeding a preschooler, let alone two at once! I also had no idea how sweet and strong of a bond it would create, how much I could possibly love my girls, and how much I would love breastfeeding.
I tried using a blanket with my first when she was a newborn, with little success. I soon discovered the nursing tank, and we've been nursing discreetly ever since. While I prefer to stay covered, I support women nursing in whatever way THEY feel comfortable. And if I find myself unprepared, I don't let it stop me from feeding my daughters.
I firmly believe that the needs of a child come before the comfort level of innumerable adults every time we walk out our door. It's unfortunate that our society is so anti-child (or pro-adult) that this is not a given. Good for you for deciding to put your child's comfort first - and even moreso for nursing into toddlerhood :)
~Dionna @ Code Name: Mama & NursingFreedom.org
this post is amazing! breastfeeding is natural and normal and HEALTHY and more moms around the world need to know this!
Great post! I so totally believe in breastfeeding wherever and whenever. I did a lot of public breastfeeding, but I was never one to just expose my breasts--I did, however, have a great little cover up that worked amazingly well for me. I got it at Target and it has a strap that goes around mom's neck to keep the whole thing from falling down..it allowed me to look down at my baby and not have him or her stifled by the cover..def had to get clever with holding it sufficiently in place with little hands flying about, but that gets easier and easier with experience. I LOVE breastfeeding, and really miss it!
Thanks for posting this! I remember at first I didn't breastfeed in public, but then I was like: "I'm brave, I'm going to do it. Who cares what other people think?" Also I figured it would encourage other nursing mothers to as well!
also, ps. love the outfit. Yeah for yellow! For some reason, unknown to me, very few people wear yellow. But I heart yellow!
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♥ Fia