A-Ha

I promise I'm not giving up on this blog. Doth the lady protest too much?

When I took my break, it was because I was feeling overwhelmed with life, had been feeling overwhelmed with life for awhile. I stepped back from almost everything that it was possible to step back from and just focused on getting right with myself. I'd already been talking to a therapist and I think working out some of my issues made me realize that I needed drop some things and to heal before I continued on. So, I stopped blogging. I started doing some cliched soul searching. What was missing in my life? What part of me needed to be fed?

I started another blog that is public but I have really publicized or shared the link with anyone save three people. You could probably find it if you tried hard enough. I've been using it to truly journal and giving things that have been banging around in my head a place to live in the world. I needed to get these ideas out even if no one else sees them.

For a long time, I've known that I'm not a standard mold. I don't fit. Most people don't fit, but they can make themselves fit well enough with only a few tweaks. But I really don't fit and trying to make myself fit always leads to...to where I was a few months ago. I've been there before.

And it always comes back to becoming comfortable with WHO I AM. With being okay that I'm not like most people and realizing that who I am is not a judgment on others and that most people probably don't see it that way anyway.

And then, I had my a-ha moment. Which is somewhat unrelated to all these issues that I have been working through, but by getting past the baggage, the enormous weight of learning self-acceptance (all over again) on my back, I had some clarity. I was in an aisle in Michael's craft store picking out paper for a few Christmas decorations that I was DIYing this year. I spent a long time running my eyes over the papers, flipping through enormous books of decorative papers, taking in all the designs. After an hour in the store, I headed to Starbucks and sat for awhile just contemplating life and then it hit me that I really should be designing again. Only instead of graphic design, which is what I was doing pre-child, I'm interested in surface pattern design. (See here.)

To be honest, I didn't even know it existed. How did I get through a degree in graphic design without even hearing about this career? First my thought was, I could design scrapbook/craft paper. Then I pulled out my phone to do a search for what type of designer that would be and 40 minutes later, I was home spouting off ideas and dreams to my husband with appropriate title (surface pattern designer). So, you can now blame my lack of posts on the fact that I'm working on a few design projects. We are going sett up our office up after the holidays, so that I have space to pursue this new career. But it will also make it more convenient to photograph my outfits and make posts. (I've been creating some excellent outfits! Sorry I haven't posted them.)

The thing is surface pattern designers are also responsible for all the great prints you guys are wearing, so staying connected to the fashion blogging world will definitely provide me with tons of inspiration. Besides, you guys are such a fun crowd and I'm not ready to leave the party!